How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

You want to figure out how to stop yelling at your kids, but you laid in bed last night crying because you did it again. 

Maybe you feel like you’re never going to be a good-enough mom.  Stop telling yourself that lie.

Yelling is a habit quick and easy to get in to but can feel like hell will freeze over before you can break it.

If you’d been a fly on my wall a time or two, you’d have heard my daughter accuse me of crying wolf. 

“I promise I won’t yell next time,” I’d say, praying God would help me do it.

Her 5-year-old response?  Through her tears, she sobs, “Mommy, you’ve said that before.  And then *sniff, sniff* and then you keep doing it.”

First, if you want to understand how to stop yelling at your kids, you need to determine why you do it.

You are not a bad mom.  Girl, evict that thought from living rent-free in your mind because it’s not true.  Do you want to be a yeller? 

I didn’t think so.

Know your triggers.

If you think this means “what are my kids doing to make me yell at them,” this is part of the problem, and shortly I’ll share how a mind shift will part of the answer to how to stop yelling at your kids.

I know my triggers include, but are not limited to:

• Distractions
• Lack of sleep
• Overcommitting myself
• Poor nutrition
• Too much sugar
• Drinking alcohol
• Dehydration
• Hormonal – what time of the month is it???
• Clutter / a disorganized home
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Outside relationships – maybe a fight with a family member or friend
• I’m human

Friend, your yelling trigger list could be a mile long, or maybe you only have a few.  The triggers that fuel your big emotions will shift and change over time- know that, too.

Get enough sleep.

Assuming you’re a mom because you’re reading this post, right!?  Then friend, you know sleep deprivation, and YOU KNOW now why it’s used as a form of torture on prisoners of war. 

It’s no wonder walking zombie moms are crabby, short-tempered and drained. 

Are you spread too thin?

Your friend just had a baby, and you’ve committed to taking her family a meal at the end of the week. 

The PTA asks if you can volunteer at tomorrows fundraising event, and you said yes. 

Dinnertime is fast approaching, and you don’t know what you’re going to make.

You have a proposal due in 24 hours, and you’ve barely started the first draft.

See where I’m going with this?  It’s too much, not just for you, but for anyone. 

You’re only one person.  If you want to master how to stop yelling at your kids, putting an end to overcommitting must be your first goal.

When you say no to the PTA, you’re saying yes to your family.

The instant you decline the request to do something extra, you’re saying yes to your own self-care.

Proactively getting your child to listen is a guaranteed win when it comes to how to stop yelling at your kids.  How do you do that?

 Use puppets. 

If you have a young child, using puppets to get and keep their attention and get them to listen to you will work every time.  My 8-year-old STILL LOVES when I do this to engage with her versus the mommy tone requesting cooperation instead.  Read my puppet post for more on this.

Intentionally connect with your children

I think it was a Wednesday.

All it took was a pillow fight.  A fun pillow fight forever changed our Wednesday mornings.

When I discovered the instant shift that a pillow fight had on the tone, environment, and overall feelings at the start of the day, my daughter and I started looking forward to our special Wednesday mornings.

It was connection. Touching, loving, and laughing together is all it takes—the magic word there- together.  Togetherness can create a strong, unbreakable bond, the connection that holds the key in discovering how to stop yelling at your kids.

Try this today: put your phone away, look at the time, and commit to 20 minutes of uninterrupted, zero distraction quality time with your child.  Quality over quantity.  Take the time.  Your relationship deserves it.