Necessary Advice For New Moms No One Tells You

This is a letter to my younger self and serves as advice for new moms every pregnant woman should read. Click here to save it to read or share later.

Dear new mom-to-be,

It’s been your dream for as long as you can remember; to become a mommy.  You’ve loved children for as long as you can remember and now you’re pregnant!  Congratulations!

Everyone says you’re going to rock this mommy gig but what they aren’t telling you are the extreme feelings you’ll experience the moment that baby girl takes her first breath. Tears will rain down your cheeks, as you try to process this indescribable, new, raw emotion.

Sure, you knew you’d love your baby but THIS LOVE. THIS is a love that’s indescribable. This new baby is going to bring you an overwhelming feeling of adoration and affection at an intensity that you’ve never seen before.

Bad news

While it’s common to start with the good news when talking about good and bad, in this case we are going to start with the bad news. This is the stuff, usually, no one tells you about; you have your baby and feel blindsided by all of these things you weren’t expecting.

You think you are prepared

• The nursery is ready -check-
• Baby’s car seat is safely installed
  -check-
• Family finances are in order, and the savings account is at a safe level
  -check-
• Hospital bag packed -check-
• You have baby clothes, nursing bras, bottles, breast milk bags, formula (just in case your fear of not producing milk comes to fruition), diapers, bath gear, blankets, swaddles, and burp cloths -check-
• Research on advice for new moms -check-

You have it all figured out and ready to go; or, so you think…

You forgot to plan for a potentially early arrival

The NICU is not a place I’d wish on my worst enemy but you should always give some thought to “what-if” your baby comes early. One piece of advice for new-mom-to-be is to keep in mind, sometimes babies can’t wait until they’re supposed to be born so loosely be prepared as that could happen.

You’re going to feel like you’re in a new world

Driving home from the hospital, you’re going to feel different. Like the aforementioned new love emotion mentioned above, this is not a feeling that can accurately be put into words. It’s going to come out of nowhere but it’ll fade. It’s overwhelming, surreal and impactful. You’ll never forget this feeling.

The days will be long and exhausting. It’s going to be a long time until you’re going to get quality sleep again. You’ll realize this is why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

It’s lonely. Contrary to what you believe is going to be easy, it’s lonely being home with your baby day after day after day after day. Sure, you’ll have visitors and perhaps you’ll venture out of the house but it’s not the same as the life you once had. No more adult conversation on the regular. You’ll yearn for intellectual and stimulating interactions.

Unsolicited advice

Ok so this is both good and bad news when it comes to advice for new moms: you’re going to get more unsolicited information than you’ve ever gotten in your life. For some reason, when it comes to babies and children, everyone and their mother feel the need to tell you how to parent.

It’s going to be overwhelming, information overload, contradicting and sometimes paralyzing but breathe. This is your baby and this is your turn to make the decisions.

Also note, it’s extremely disappointing how often moms judge each other. Try not to get caught up in the negativity and unrelenting passion of other people’s opinions.

Good news

All of the challenges listed under bad news will pass.  Eventually, you’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel.  But, you have to go through the tunnel.  It’s part of the journey, and it will all make you the mother you are meant to be.

The overwhelming love you’ll feel makes it all worth it.  Seriously, I could write a thousand words about the complexity, immense, intense love you’re going to experience when that beautiful blessing comes into your life, and it still will be meaningless because again, it’s indescribable. Incomprehensible, amazing and beautiful.

And finally, the good news is that help is available.  Lean on those who have gone before you.  Your friends and family want to help.

Often a mom wants to believe she can do it all.  But don’t.  When your supporters offer to help, let them.  The next section will offer solutions to many of the challenges every mom faces.

Solutions

The best advice for new moms include several solutions to problems you don’t know are going to present when you have a baby. Here is what you need to do before you go into labor:

When it comes to eating

• Make ahead meals. Prepare freezer meals you can take out and pop into the crock pot.
• Have a friend set up a meal train when you get home with your baby. This will be a huge blessing you’ll appreciate for the rest of your life.
• If you don’t cook much, sign up for a meal service. This is a season of life you’ll appreciate and need hours not spent in the kitchen.

Mental health

Find a support group! Professionals who run these groups have tremendously valuable advice for new moms plus you’ll connect with others in the same season of life which is equally as valuable.

It would be helpful to be aware ahead of time of the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression (PPD). No one is immune to PPD and it’s all-too-often overlooked. This is another critical reason to have a new-moms-support-group identified before your baby is born.