Things I wish I knew before becoming a mom: 29 answers from experienced experts

Now, when I refer to experts above, I’m talking about seasoned moms! Moms who are still learning but experts in what we have experienced to date.  There are many things I wish I knew before becoming a mom and I wanted to know I was not alone.  So, what did I do?  I turned to a local moms group and asked: What surprised you the most about motherhood?

I couldn’t agree more with their answers.  Moms, unite!  Here’s what you need to know if you are new to the role of “mommy.”

What surprised you the most about motherhood?

1. I worry about every little thing. Every time I back up my car in the driveway, I’m terrified a kid will dart out behind me. Every time they eat a grape, I mentally prepare myself for the Heimlich maneuver. Worried they’re getting too much fluoride in the water. That they’re breathing too much pollution. Every. Little. Thing!  I never thought/cared about this things before kids.
2. My mom said something to me this morning… “Motherhood has really calmed you down. You are much for solution-oriented.” This is so true.
3. I’m surprised how much it has slowed me down, intentionally.  Remember pre-kids when you thought you were sooooo busy? Ha!
4. Another one that has surprised me: the number of moms judging other moms.related: 7 signs you have a toxic friend and what to do about it
5. How hard it is to make mom friends.  I mean, it’s serious business… like dating!
6. How very, very hard it has been right after birth.  I’m an anxious person anyway but this has been much tougher to get through that I would have ever guessed.
7. How I started caring about world problems tremendously realizing my children will inherit it.
8. Full-time parenting is what I call “a different kind of hard.” People who have never done it think, “what is hard about pouring Cheerios and playing Candyland?”  It’s a different kind of hard to lack sleep, constantly be touched, constantly be dirty/messy, constantly have to be vigilant and meet EVERY need for someone else, constantly have to be patient with people who are unreasonable (because they literally can’t reason) and also be DEPRIVED of that adult/intellectual stimulation (it’s not hard to pour Cheerios and play Candyland until that’s all you feel like you do, all day, every day, for years!  Then it IS hard – not because it’s difficult but because it’s repetitive). The sheer mind-numbness of how many times you have to do and say the same things over and over is what surprised me the most!
9. How annoying it is to hear your children fight, like 30 time a day there is a fight about something and it is so stressful!
10. How hard we can be on ourselves.  I feel it too, but listening to other moms feeling so guilty all the time and knowing they are great moms is hard to see and experience. Not sure I wrote that correct but I constantly have to tell myself that is not rational, you’re doing fine (even though I feel like I’m failing).
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11. The identity loss/change. I was positively unprepared for it!
12. That constant feeling of having to leave something undone at the end of the day. Laundry, work, email, sex… it’s just not all going to happen in a day anymore. Ultimately, feeling like my entire house hasn’t been clean all at once in like 18 months is so frustrating.
13. The sleep deprivation. I was not prepared for the sleep deprivation at all.
14. Mommy guilt!  What I should be doing more or should be better at for my kids.
15. Constant worry. To be a mother is to forever have your heart go walking around outside your body.
16. How daylight savings time means nothing at all when you have kids.
17. That I didn’t really NEED as much sleep as I thought.
18. As a special needs mom- the level of patience and acceptance that comes with being a mom. I definitely didn’t have that pre-kids.
19. Think how all-encompassing it is. There is really no aspect of my life that is unchanged by motherhood.  It is indeed a 24/7 commitment.  I wouldn’t change it, but it is surprising.
20. How comfortable one gets with conversations about poop.
21. The strain it can cause on your marriage.
22. The way my heart could fit so much love inside. How someone so tiny could steal my heart.
23. How “hush, hush” society still is about discussing PPD or PPA and how PPD often manifests itself as anxiety.
24. Breastfeeding isn’t quite as simple as I thought. And how vital and freeing it is to find the best way to feed your baby, and walk in that choice and feel peace.  Oops, I didn’t pick just one lesson.  Clearly, I’m doing a lot of learning over here!
25. How I cannot imagine life without my baby, after so little time. Life is richer with her.
26. How vacuuming would feel like a vacation because it drowns out all the noise.
27. The way that you are certain you couldn’t possibly love anyone as much as your first baby and then the next one comes and you love that baby every bit as much. Your heart just keeps growing and growing.
28. The world became scary. My life boils down to scanning for dangers 24/7.
29. Sleep. I honestly feel just as tired now even though my kids have slept through the night for years compared to waking up all night with them as babies. Oh, and memory loss.